I cant help but marvel in the creation that surrounds me everyday. From the flowers that line the sidewalk, to the trees that stand so firm and tall, to the people that walk beside me...every living creature part of such a grand design. A design so full of delicate details that it stands to beckon you. It fills you with an intense desire to know more. To seek after something so much greater than yourself.
I wish I could sit here and apologize for my intensity. I want for just a moment to not feel people's souls. To look at someone and just see a shell but Im not capable of that. I was created to see into the depths of those around me. To look into a broken heart, into tear drenched eyes and to love them in spite of their weaknesses. You see, to be so emotionally connected to those around me I become vulnerable. I endure the pain alongside them and often at my own expense. But, the truth is I refuse to apologize. In the broken moments of the day I am reminded that each of us are walking through a trial- and though they may have different meanings to all of us- they are still important.
If you know me- you know that I have crazy uncontrolled curls. I do what I can to tame them and often I spend hours under a blow-dryer just begging for some "normalcy". Call it the nature of the beast- some days I just don't have the patience for it. I have learned to embrace the gifts God has given me and for the most part I stand tall knowing where my worth comes from. But, reality is- sometimes the flesh takes over. People are mean and insecurity creeps into my soul. I sat yesterday and listened to the girls around me blatantly poke fun at my hair and compare me to their dog. Everything in me wanted to lash out and retaliate but, I couldn't do it. Instead, I looked at each one and prayed that they would see my compassion and grace. They are broken and reaching for something and my actions speak so much louder than any words possibly could. The pain and hurt is overwhelming when you are attacked for something that is so innately "you".
As I watch my mom struggle to find normalcy with her new disability I cant help but want to follow her example of pure grace. For the most part people are so kind and patient- but, along with the good comes the bad. Sometimes people treat her so disrespectfully. There is no patience and rather than trying to understand they yell. An ignorant response to her not being able to speak. She always smiles, she always maintains her composure and always stands with such class. I know the pain I felt yesterday must be nothing compared to what she is going through. I hope to always remember that.
I can only pray that as we go through this trial I will be shaped and molded into the creation that I was meant to be. That I will reflect light and shine with peace in such a dark and cold world.