Thursday, June 23, 2011

Mission Field


In the midst of the joy and the struggle of everyday life it's so important to remember that our efforts are never in vain! I recently read this article Motherhood as a Mission Field and I wanted to pass it along to encourage all of you! Enjoy!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Exhaustion

I’m exhausted. It’s amazing how much stress can take a toll on your body. It seems that lately it’s all I can do to function throughout the day. Between working full time, being a mommy full time, a wife and a daughter, a caregiver, a sister, a matron of honor… I just can’t keep up. I feel pulled in so many directions and I hate that I can’t give 110% to every avenue of my life. I hate that I can’t be Superwomen. That I can’t maintain my house to the perfection that I desire, that most nights I can’t get a “home-cooked” meal on the table. I hate that by the time my husband walks in the door at night I’m half asleep already.

The guilt I feel is horrible. It’s as though it’s consuming me. I feel so guilty that I can’t do more for my mom or my family in general. I feel guilty that I get frustrated when I can’t understand the few words my mom is able to speak. I want so badly to hear her voice- to call her instead of text her. I want to be able to run errands and shop without incessantly worrying about how far she will have to walk or how I can manage the baby and her and maintain a positive vibe. I feel guilty that my patience is thin.

I know that I have so many blessings in my life. I know that in the grand scheme of things we are so lucky. We have been given time… we can still communicate- she still has the use of her arms and legs. She is still capable of loving on my baby. So why am I getting so frustrated? Why do I have such an enormous amount of guilt?

The greatest thing about all of this- is that I wouldn’t change a thing. I absolutely love to be out and spending time with my mom. I really do cherish every moment we have.

I found a great article on Preventing Burnout in Family Caregivers here. It’s a great reminder that in order to effectively care for someone else- you have to first take care of yourself.  

Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's been awhile...

Wow, I didn’t realize how long it’s been since my last post! Although, my life has not stopped and the tasks of everyday living are insurmountable- I’ve managed to be in a state of solitude. I have taken a much needed break from all things “ALS”.

In this media driven society “awareness” is both a blessing and a curse. The constant feed of ALS facts, tragedies and reminders can be extremely overwhelming for those of us who are actually living in an ALS nightmare.  I long so badly to fight and maintain a passionate spirit… to scream and yell and tell the whole world what this horrible disease does to families. But, some days the fight becomes too hard. The research and forums and constant reminders of what is to come are all too much to bear. I think I hit my breaking point at the end of May.

May was ALS awareness month. I realize that “awareness” months are created to- get the word out- and make those who have never heard of the disease aware of how tragic and horrible it is. It’s there to give a specific time and place to lobby for research and cures. It opens doors that may have otherwise not been there. They serve as reminders that we need to fight and not give up- that this disease deserves just as much attention as cancer and heart disease.

But after the fight- after the grueling days of listing facts and reasons why we need a cure- you can’t help but feel defeated. A break is so necessary! A time of peace and solitude has served as the only healing grace from the noise and static of living through this hell.

I am finally feeling refreshed. I am gaining my fighter spirit back. I am ready to tackle the world and share my compassion with others fighting this same fight.

Thank you for granting me this break and supporting me and my family. Thank you for the sweet “tweets” and emails.

….because I want to remember every detail of this new life… I will leave you with this picture!
                                                              Mom's way of sharing awareness: Love her spirit