Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Super Hero Within




I’m feeling so overwhelmed. I am so blessed that for most of this journey I have maintained a positive outlook. I have my good and bad days like everyone but, truly believing that some sort of good will come out of this mess keeps me moving forward.

Mom is still doing so well…so unbelievably well. And, yet- the protector inside of me is in overdrive. I feel this burning desire to guard her and stand over her and plan out her every move. I feel like a secret super hero… as if what lies beneath my daily outfit is a carefully crafted silhouette of my body that so cleverly has an “S” embroidered on it. That should the moment arise I will find myself flying out of a “phone booth” to catch her.

After so many years of being indoctrinated in “dying to yourself” and “laying it all down” you would think that the tight grip I hold wouldn’t even exist. But the truth is- it’s a constant battle. I am reminded daily that I need to let go- have faith- trust in something greater than the control I so desperately cling to. I wish I could say that dying to myself happens without a thought. But, I am a firm believer that as long as I live in this earthly body I will continue to struggle. I suppose the greatest thing is that my struggle is not in vein. That every day I make the choice to let go and surrender I gain more than I ever thought possible.

The mom I crave has been coming at me full force…offering help and resources in areas that just 2 short months ago were never even on our radar. Physically and emotionally she is there. I hate that I can’t process what is going on. I hate that I feel like I need to guard her because I am terrified that any ounce of help she offers will send her spiraling downward.

…I’m letting go. I am opening my hands and my heart to who she is and what we have right now. I refuse to cling on to a series of “what-if” and dance in the present. If the here and now brings joy and peace then whatever comes of the future will be worth it. The memories made and the sweet silent moments will forever be etched upon our hearts. The imprints that are being engraved deep in my soul will carry me when I feel despair.

I may always have a secret super hero spun within my bones… a side of me that rescues and saves and holds a deep love within my ever present hands… but, for now I will retire the sweetly knit attire until it truly deserves the spotlight. 

**please forgive me that there are no pictures with this post. Today, all I have to give are the words on my heart**

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Celebrations



I haven’t written in awhile and the greatest thing about that fact is that there hasn’t really been anything to report. We are relishing in the “calm” of the storm. This month is packed full of appointments, adventures and celebrations! The weeks leading up to mom’s 3 month progression appointment always bring silence, an unspoken code of unity and a fierce desire to fight stronger. So, as you can imagine in preparation for her appointment on the 17th we are living our lives together to the max.    


 

We recently celebrated Ryan’s dedication at church. It was a special moment for Craig and I. There is something so intimate about making a promise and sharing it with friends and family. We were once again reminded of what a miracle Ryan is and how much he has blessed all of us. He has put a spark back into my parent’s life and has once again given my mom a way to use her talents.  If it wasn’t evident before- it certainly is now… my mom is the “baby-whisperer”. She was given such a gift with babies and children. 

 
Craig and Shannon celebrated their 25th birthday! It was a joy to bring both families together and show them just how much we love them!  We had a party at Joe’s Farm Grill over the weekend and then had a nice dinner with my parents. Birthdays have always been a huge deal in my family and even more so now. Another birthday celebrated means another year of life! How great that we can still cherish the meaning of life all together.   


In addition to all of our celebrating, we are taking in every ounce of fall. The weather has finally cooled off for a couple of days. Every season brings a new ounce of hope and a fresh beginning.  We are hoping to take Ryan out to the pumpkin patch in the next couple of weeks… I can’t wait.
 

At the end of this month- the entire family will be embarking on an island adventure. We have been planning and saving and preparing for months. We are looking forward to being rejuvenated. I know this vacation will bring so many emotions and I am so grateful that mom is still in a position to travel.

Please continue to pray for mom and the doctors/therapists responsible for her care. We are hoping for great news this month!

Until next time…