Through The Looking Glass

My Beautiful Mom! 

It was a cold, wind piercing November morning. I remember bundling myself up in a soft gray Abercrombie Pea Coat and climbing into my little red car. I was off to spend the weekend with my grandma. We were going to celebrate my birthday! As I began to drive tears streamed down my face. This was the first birthday I was celebrating away from my family. It had been a rough first semester at the University and I craved the comfort only a mom could give.  As I arrived my grandma strolled out her front door with a suitcase in hand. I was perplexed yet oddly not that surprised. She proceeded to tell me that my cousin Josh had sent her a package. A package that was very large and waiting in Kansas City (3.5 hrs away) conveniently at the airport. I was told that she arranged for us to stay the night and that we better get going as this package wasn't going to just sit around all day. :)   I suppose at this point I should have known this was a ridiculous story. But, this was my grandma. My grandma would drive across town just to save a penny. So I bought it. I took her suitcase and neatly placed it in the trunk. I admired her spunk and off we went. After all, we were headed on an adventure. How could this be anything but fun? 

The drive was long, full of interesting conversation and strange music. As we pulled into the airport my grandma directed me towards the arrivals and asked for me to drop her off at the curb. She said she would only be a minute as she was positive the package would be just inside the door. I sat there waiting, amused at the oddness of who my grandma was. In a matter of seconds I saw the package. I will never forget the overwhelming sense of love that filled the air. The shock and ultimate gratitude that rushed over me. There outside the door was my mother- standing in all her beauty.

They pulled it off. The ultimate surprise. There the two of them stood beaming with pride that their plan actually worked. After several tears of joy and screams of excitement we made our way to a quaint hotel. As we unpacked the car beautiful, delicate snowflakes began to fall.

In my mom's true fashion we spent the weekend shopping, eating, crying, laughing and making the most incredible memories. 

...It's amazing the things you remember and hold on to... 

It's been 3 weeks now since my mom has found herself intensely  losing strength. 3 weeks since she has eaten a full meal. 3 weeks since she has felt "normal". (I use that term loosely.) 3 weeks ago my mom was hit full force with an evil that has only stolen her strength and her ability to eat. 

It feels as though things are starting to happen at a rapid pace. I still can't come to grips with the fact that she can't eat. She is taking in barely enough to survive the day.

My mom... the life of the group who always planned her days around the next great meal- the Starbucks and dessert stops while shopping... now has no desire to eat. I can't wrap my mind around what is happening.

She needs the PEG tube...


  1. Beautifully written, Tara! I am sobbing happy tears. Thank you for taking me back to a precious time. Oh what fun I had in surprising you. I couldn't let you spend your first birthday away from home without us being together. We had so much fun. Love you! Mom


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