I’m exhausted. It’s amazing how much stress can take a toll on your body. It seems that lately it’s all I can do to function throughout the day. Between working full time, being a mommy full time, a wife and a daughter, a caregiver, a sister, a matron of honor… I just can’t keep up. I feel pulled in so many directions and I hate that I can’t give 110% to every avenue of my life. I hate that I can’t be Superwomen. That I can’t maintain my house to the perfection that I desire, that most nights I can’t get a “home-cooked” meal on the table. I hate that by the time my husband walks in the door at night I’m half asleep already.
The guilt I feel is horrible. It’s as though it’s consuming me. I feel so guilty that I can’t do more for my mom or my family in general. I feel guilty that I get frustrated when I can’t understand the few words my mom is able to speak. I want so badly to hear her voice- to call her instead of text her. I want to be able to run errands and shop without incessantly worrying about how far she will have to walk or how I can manage the baby and her and maintain a positive vibe. I feel guilty that my patience is thin.
I know that I have so many blessings in my life. I know that in the grand scheme of things we are so lucky. We have been given time… we can still communicate- she still has the use of her arms and legs. She is still capable of loving on my baby. So why am I getting so frustrated? Why do I have such an enormous amount of guilt?
The greatest thing about all of this- is that I wouldn’t change a thing. I absolutely love to be out and spending time with my mom. I really do cherish every moment we have.
I found a great article on Preventing Burnout in Family Caregivers here. It’s a great reminder that in order to effectively care for someone else- you have to first take care of yourself.