The Act Of Surrender And A Miracle

You know that moment of surrender? After you have been fighting and kicking and holding on to every ounce of control you can- yet still feeling bitter and tired and frustrated. That moment when your mind, body and soul all come together to shout: "enough, I won't be held captive to this anymore". And, then as if that dark veil that had been covering your eyes for so long is lifted and all you can see is grace upon grace and rolling hills of fresh new life before you. This is where I stand. Although, the process of surrendering and letting my false notion of expectations for this life fade away has been a long process, I can finally feel the weight lifted off of me. 

(unrelated to this post... but a perfect picture of pure innocence & an act of surrender)

The freedom that comes from choosing to no longer walk in anger or fear sends you soaring into a place filled with faith... Faith that no matter what you encounter there are hands to hold you and arms to walk you through. 

I've often wondered if my struggle with surrender has kept me from seeing the little miracles and blessings bestowed upon us each day. If that barrier I have placed before me has halted every good and perfect gift. But, rest assured my friends- even in the struggle- we aren't alone. And those gifts- they get poured out in abundance with even the littlest of faith. 

The greatest thing about surrendering and choosing to believe despite every obstacle are the miracles you begin to witness. As if that gentle hand of love reaches down to remind you that He hasn't forgotten. That each step in our faith draws us closer and that He loves imaginably more than you could ever comprehend. 

This past week we witnessed an incredible miracle. As we found ourselves in the ALS clinic for mom's progression appointment like so many times before- we prepared to hear the statistics and numbers that have permeated us for the last 2 years. The testing began and mom was handed her antiquated tubing to conduct her breathing test. The tech placed her plug over mom's nose and set the machine. Mom was told to take a deep breath in and blow out in the tube for as long as she could and for as hard as she could. I watched as I always do and I saw an effortless blow. I remember thinking- "wow, I don't even know the last time I saw her do that so well". The tech commented on her strength and with disbelief began asking mom questions regarding her bi-pap and diaphragm pacer. She then had mom test an additional 2 times. In total- mom completed 3 tests with the same effortless blow of air. 

As each therapist, nurse and doctor came and went in our room we heard over and over how great her breathing test went. As Dr. Ladha came in and did his assessment he told us that her FVC (the amount of air she can exhale) measured at 63%. Three months ago with the same test mom was told she measured at 34%. We were shocked and full of emotion. We know the importance of these numbers and the meaning behind them and there was nothing left to do but to immediately offer up a praise of thanksgiving. 

It is truly amazing what happens when you surrender and there is no denying that God is and has been performing a miracle through this crazy mess of ALS. We certainly don't know what is to come in this adventure but with each glimpse of His glory that He places upon us we rest assured that every detail of our lives is intricately knitted in the palm of His hand. 

I don't think that we can say it enough- we covet your prayers and are forever grateful for them. We believe that even when we don't get an immediate response God is faithful and prayer is powerful.